30 Days To A New Life- Day 8

Dennis Rodriguez is in:
The Next Top Spiritual Author Competition
Click link to Vote: http://www.nexttopauthor.com/profile.cfm?aid=1005

Myths and dreams come from the same place.

As I immerse myself in Joseph Campbell’s work on mythology learning about the hero's journey as a pathway to transformation, it is no surprise that my dream life has become extremely vivid. Or it may have been due to the Night-time yoga DVD I participated in last night?

Whatever the reason, there was some serious unlocking of repressed fear going on in my dream state. Something is working its way out and it is big! The past two nights I have witnessed the most violent and scariest dreams since I saw the archetypal old hag coming at me with an ax at the age of four. Now I must preface what I am about to tell you by saying that I do not watch gory violence on TV or in the movies. I do not read books about creatures of the night. I enjoy fictitious or real communication with an occasional friendly ghost, but take no pleasure in ghouls or goblins threatening to suck me dry or zombies tormenting me for 28 days. However; when the unconscious mind decides to dislodge some deep seeded memories, it chooses from an array of collective sources- the blockbuster movies, popular books, shared mythologies or simply the boundless reference guide: our timeless imagination.

I feel the need to reiterate that I am a non-violent man. I had one fight my entire life and it ended in a draw between two ten year old boys head locked for what seemed to be an hour, until Mrs. Belsky swooped in to break it up. Growing up in the Bronx did not mean I had to rendezvous with the tough guys. I was an actor not a fighter.

Two nights ago I dreamt that my life was threatened by a Chinese family of four. They came at me with Ginsu knives and I defended myself by killing each of them. I felt angry, which is an emotion that had not surfaced for a long time. I don’t like to get angry for fear of losing control. I remember all too vividly, the tantrums I used to throw when I was young and I was aware enough to know that my rants were not of a kid in check. I have also on occasion seen myself blurt out the nastiest of hurtful words when in a state of anger and vowed to keep the expression of my wrath to a bare minimum. I feel more at home with guilt, self criticism and fear than I do with potentially hurting someone else by letting it rip. So it is no wonder that the feeling of violent anger would reveal itself in my dreams. Upon waking, I felt the emotional release that followed this symbolic episode. I enjoy interpreting my dreams and the first image I got when I woke up was that of a dragon being slayed by a righteously indignant hero. Even though the dragon in Chinese mythology does not represent evil, my mental filters may have gotten in the way and personified the dragon with a Chinese family out to do me harm. It was a short dream but very violent. The power of dreams partly lies in their ability to provide a platform for the releasing of unwanted emotions. Now that guilt and its underlying anger has been dealt with, it is time to face existential fear.

Last night, I dreamt of a friendly teenager who wanted my best friend and I to join his club. Sounds harmless enough. Then the proverbial fangs came out. Oh no, it is Twilight in 3D!

I have avoided the Twilight series like the plague in “real” life. No matter- the undead was out to get us. We ran like our souls depended on it and my best friend was able to jump inside a bus before its doors closed. I was not so lucky. I ran as fast as I could after the bus all the while turning around to see the one blood-thirsty teenager turn into 100 vociferous vampires. I was able to grab on to the bus and hang on to a railing long enough for the driver let me in. My best friend and I looked through the window at the back of the bus. “They are gaining on us. Put the pedal to the metal!” Finally some distance. Suddenly I hear a semi-familiar voice “Daddy,Daddy.” It is my three year old daughter to let me know that she wet her pull up. It’s time to change a diaper. I am awake.

“Glad that’s over. What is going on? What am I letting go of?”

I went back to sleep and jumped right back in to Twilight: The Sequel. This time I am with my wife and her father. He is here to protect us. I have no idea what happened to my best friend. As long as my father in law is with us, no harm can come to us. No sooner had I thought this, then he and I were surrounded by vampires. They dive right into my father in law. “Run Dennis, run!!” I find my wife who is lying asleep with sleeping pads over her eyes. “We have to get out of here. Your father is dead. They will come after us. She gets up. I wake up.

Again, it is the feeling I am left with that is most compelling. The imagery is up for interpretation but there is no doubt that I felt a release of fear. In some ways I have slain the dragon that says I won’t cut it as a writer. I have outrun the fear of not measuring up. Dreams are a funny thing because like in life, we avoid the scary scenes. Yet it is in these unwelcomed symbols that healing can be found. The stuff of our life is our vehicle for personal transformation. No exceptions.

Dreams are gifts that say “if you need to use something you already believe is not real, then try this on for size. This might help.”