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Can we ever be certain of our intuition?
It was the fall of 1994 and I was in the middle of my first term of a Master of Fine Arts program at the University of Missouri-Kansas City. We were about to start morning voice and speech warm up when a classmate of mine storms through the Performing Arts Center doors in our usual dramatic fashion.
“Fellas” he began. “I have just seen the woman I’m going to marry. She is a red-head, and I am in love.”
“Did you introduce yourself?” I asked
“Well no, not yet.”
As soon as class was over, another friend of mine and I decide to see for ourselves. We peaked into the adjacent dance studio and asked the love stricken puppy to point her out.
I turn to my other friend. “She is cute. I’m going to have to help this poor boy.” I figured, he was a country bumpkin and I was a street wise kid from the Bronx. I was sure I could help him cut to the chase and impress her.
I spent the next month advising him on how to approach her. What to say, what not to say. I became his Cyrano De Bergerac except he was too scared to speak to her. I introduced myself to the girl before he allowed himself to. I figured it was all for a good cause.
Then came the night I was to meet another classmate to rehearse a scene from Anton Chekov’s play Three Sisters. My scene partner was quite a character. When we would rehearse in her home she would be stricken with a case of narcolepsy and would fall asleep standing- in the middle of our scene! Was I that boring of an actor? I told her we just had to find a place to rehearse that would keep her awake, so we decided to meet the following evening at the Performing Arts Center. She was running late and there I was waiting in the front of the building for my sleeping beauty. Someone else was waiting. It was the red-headed girl. I felt a tug to strike up a conversation. I did not question my intuition. I went over and found out that she was waiting for some friends to celebrate her 21st birthday. We chatted for a few minutes and finally my scene partner arrived.
“Well, I’ve got to go.” I said. Happy Birthday.”
I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. I guarantee you that had I thought for a moment about kissing her on the cheek, I would not have done so. It was one of those rare but exquisite movements that have nothing to do with conscious awareness. You are being moved. The universe does not give you the option to resist or to override. You don’t surrender to the moment. The moment just happens.
My narcoleptic scene partner witnessed my brass and was wide-eyed when we walked into the PAC.
“What are you doing? Are you trying to steal her away?”
“I’m not doing anything. I just gave her a kiss on the cheek. It’s her birthday.”
I truly meant it at the time. Well, my Shakespearean classmate in love did have one date with the girl. There was in her words, “no chemistry." All he did with all the poetic lines I gave him was crack jokes. He gave up his quest to marry the red-head and soon left the university before the first year was out.
It took a few chance encounters and a new year’s resolution to start dating for me to finally ask her out. I did and within three months after our first date, she was inviting me to spend a month with her at her parent's home in Vancouver, Canada. How could I resist. The closest this New Yorker had ever been to the west coast was right where I was standing- Kansas City, Missouri. Sounds like an adventure.
I was not sure where our relationship was going, but she was about to teach me the meaning of certainty.
We were at a seafood restaurant on Vancouver Island enjoying the local catch, when she turns to me and says: “You are the one.”
“I’m the one what?”
“You are the one I’m going to marry.”
My universes split in two. Like a scene from the old show, Ally McBeal. One thought played itself out in my head.
“Can I have the check?”
Another thought actually became reality.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Because I know.”
We just sat there. I did not question her any further. She had a look of assurance that I could not diminish.
We had only been dating for a few months, but she knew that she and I would be married. 15 years and two little angels later, here we are.
My wife is the visionary of the family. She has seen my potential years before I allowed myself to even consider a higher purpose. She was the one who said to me years ago. “You will be a published author. You will heal through your words”. I have questioned my intuition at times, but have never doubted hers.
Yesterday I received a call from a publisher of a world-wide company who has been moved and inspired by my blog to start circulating it around her company. When I told my wife, she began to well up.
“Why are you crying? I asked.
She then said: “Because this confirms what I have always seen and felt about you. It confirms my own path. I am here to see, then watch things unfold."
I was told not to get my hopes up about getting my blog published as a book. My response is still the same: "Why not?" Why not get my hopes up? I'm not after a book deal. I'm after a state of being. If it feels good to dream of a major book deal, then I choose to feel good. Tomorrow will worry about itself. What is the worst thing that can happen if I get my hopes up? I will still be here. The only difference is that if I get my hopes up and it does not work out, I would have enjoyed the possibility process and have some great memories!
This is the shift I write about. We spend too much time mentally and emotionally preparing ourselves to not be disappointed because it hurts to be let down. The amazing secret is that it is only by allowing ourselves to enjoy the dream of possibilities, even if they do not materialize the way we want them to, expansion, freedom and growth has to flourish. When we get our hopes up, we communicate with creative forces using thier language- feelings of joy.
"Oh, but Dennis, you don't want to jinx it by speaking about a book deal." Where do we get these odd beliefs? So there is voodoo involved in reaching for the stars? We have developed a whole societal infrastructure around preparing for the worst, yet we have more role models than ever before teaching us that we can have it all if we allow ourselves to think, feel, act and play as if we already do. It is time to let go of the notion that we better protect ourselves from disappointments. While we play this mental game of no-risk, a more exciting game is passing us by: Life.
In the meantime, I will dream of getting a wide distribution of my books. I will feel good now and if it does not happen, then I would have had some great feel good moments in the process. There is so much power in feeling as if you already have what you want. The deeper lesson lies in feeling good now, regardless of your circumstances.
Trust that inner voice beckoning you to think big.
If we believe that we are creating our reality as we go along, then intuition is nothing else but our own unique formula for that which we are creating. It is the feelings behind manifestation.
Intuition can indeed keep you from moving in a direction that may be dangerous, but it can also provide you, like it did for my wife, with the sense of peace and confidence needed to surrender to an action that opens doors.
A way to cultivate intuition is to first believe that it is our native language. Human beings are all born with this guidance system and if we choose not to believe so, it remains latent in us. It all starts with belief.
Another way to awaken intuition is to slow down enough to create space between our judgmental thoughts. Take time to, as Ram Dass says “digest your life experiences.” We are so busy having experiences and judging them good or bad that we don’t take the time to just sit and let our natural processes integrate our experiences for our highest good. Intuitive moments are born out of this inner cleanse.
I’d like to add one more way to increase intuitive abilities-Ask for it. Whether you want to ask God, angels, your higher-self or your super-conscious mind, take a moment in the stillness and darkness of the night and ask for guidance. You’ll undoubtedly be directed with the same words I have heard: “You are the one.” Don’t ask for the check. Sit a bit longer, and listen.
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